i know its wrong of me to blog during lesson time, but i cant stand it. my body is aching like nobody's business. i think i'm falling sick. yyann said that maybe i not enough rest. alison said i'm having a fever. i dont know either. just feel that i dont feel good and i'm warm all over plus my whole body aches.

even when i turn my head i can feel the pain. haiis. later still got meeting. so many things going on. hopefully can complete my CE points by this year then next year can concentrate on PP. BUT! i hate that. haiis. hopefully can change to job attachment la. then no need to do PP. =P

i'm still thinking of what module should i take next year for my freely chosen module for sem 2. i cant decide on photography and psychology. any advice?

something random.


that is me with makeup. cannot see really clearly but after this photo i'm sure you have to wait SUPER long to see me with makeup again. =X
you guys definitely know that it is near to impossible to have me with makeup. this is only for school brochure. otherwise i wouldnt do it too.

ROARS. evil KP. he asked me to post a post about samuel to update everyone here about the things going on. its a torture talking about him. post a post ALL about him? thats totally CRAZY.

siians. photoshoot postponed again due to bad weather. postpone to when still not confirmed yet. haiis. we're all busy people. i'm at home now, slacking. very tired. feel like sleeping. but i have yet to do my RJ and quiz and evaluation. siians. this week is packed already. so fast.

tue - work
wed - meet yyann and accompany her to tampines to change her scv box
thur - synergy meeting
fri - meeting with kok hui and cell afterwards
sat - work
sun - mass qi gong display and brisk walk

can you imagine my schedule? its like OMG can?so hectic. AND AND..! i've COMPLETED my diploma related points! yay! i just need to concentrate on getting my active points now. yippee! (: i'm happy about that. hahas.

ok, i let my eyes rest first. be back another time . (:

OMG. i cant believe that i slept for more then 12 hours today? i slept at around 3 plus in the morning and ended up waking up at 4 plus 5 in the evening. just imagine how tired i am from work the day before. work full 12 hours. i guess i was the one who worked that long for yesterday huh?

sorry to doug. initially planned to go out with you today but i too tired and i overslept too. really very sorry. i'm sure you will understand. (:

lots of things happened. there was mentor, samuel and work. hmm. 3 seems very little huh? but actually its a lot. firstly about my mentor, i'm glad he got over the idea of quitting school. but he's sick! aww. **pray for him** with God's healing hands i'm sure you'll recover. He never leaves us and He is always around us.

as for samuel. OMG. he has been talking to me ALOT these few days. he sms-ed me again. haiis. whenever he sms me sure nothing good comes out of it. KP and doug. i promise i'll show you when i see you guys the next time. yyann had her laugh already. so cruel and wicked of her. haiis. but what to do?

work. i'm hating jay more and more. freak la. haiis. think of it i angry liao. dont wish to say. harry is appearing lesser. which is GOOD. =X

i'm sleeping soon. i got a photoshoot later after school. and after that i need to meet yyann for ice skating stuffs.

will be back another time. (:

its back to school again for 5 weeks. only the first few days went past and i got things on my hand already. haiis. went for phototaking with karen caromes steven and nam jin during 2nd breakout just now yesterday. i feel so bad that i totally forgot about it. and i was dressed very causal as i didnt remember that the photoshoot was yesterday until karen reminded me in the morning.

my list for the rest of the week:
later - go far east plaza with mum and yyann after school
thurdsay - WRC meeting during first breakout(which i dont know whether i can make it anot) ; work after that, from 6 - 10.30 pm
friday - photoshoot for SHL brochure(i dont even know what that is) and cell after that.
Saturday - work from 0930 t 2230 hours.
Sunday - hopefully can rest luh.

woosh! packed schedule huh? first week after holidays only leh! cannot imagine!
i feel my bed calling out to me to go to sleep already. i'm tired. bye people. will be back soon. (:

somehow i feel that this week has been very emo for some people. and yes i include myself in it. actually i dont know what i want to blog about, but i just feel like blogging. everyone seems so down this week. the people i have met and more.

a fcuked up week for work. haiis. i just dont know how to describe it in words. anger fills me when i think about this matter. dont wish to talk much about it. maybe those who wants to know should go and approach douglas about it. i think i'm reaching the edge of mental breakdown.

yes i have said i'm going to breakdown soon but never once i did. well. since jay decided only to put me to work only 3 days out of the 7 days of holidays i have so be it. i should take some time off myself and think of certain things. if i'm going to end up working unhappily in ichiban then i guess i'll quit working for some time.

i'm sorry if i had hurt anyone when i was very down and emo. i do not mean it. i just needed to release my emotions and it is not possible that i let it out and show to my family. i can only do so in this blog. i do not vent unneccesary anger out on my friends because i do not want to hurt them. well. maybe i'm just afraid.

afraid of many things. emotions just rush over me and i cant type it down in words. for once, i feel so helplessly wordless.

i just cant seem to think properly. i need time off. i just feel so emo.

tag replies..

to yyann: yes, you are right about going through a lot in secondary school. but i would say we had gone through lesser in poly. however there were also times where i did not know your problem only until after someone else had solved it with you. its not like i'm being jealous here, in case people get the wrong idea.

i certainly would hope that you will learn from the mistakes we had made like being naiive and change for the better. there are still ALOT for you to learn to become totally independent.

to douglas: everyone does change. we cannot stop stella from becoming what she has become now. even if we had stayed through by her all the while, if she chooses to go astray there is nothing we can do. it is her choice afterall.

we can only guide people, not make chioces for them. we can only hope they understand our efforts, which not everyone will be able to understand.

there is deep meaning to the previous post. if you cannot decipher the hidden messages in the previous posts, i guess it only means that you have not reached the point where you totally understand what i am trying to say by not making it too straightforward.

okay this is going to be a long and quite emo post. if you dont have the time for it then leave now. no point reading halfway.

i know its late but i can't sleep. and i have to work tomorrow. at 2 pm. which also means that i have to leave home at at least 1.15 or i will be late. i will reach there early i think, as i need to take my uniform and also find the place.

was looking through my past diary entries..not online, the handwritten ones. the ones i wrote when i was in sec 2. memories flooded my mind as i thought back of secondary school life. how i miss the life back then. but if not for the hurts that i had gone through, i wont be standing here now today. getting back each and every barrier that comes my way.

the lessons that i had learnt from being a stubborn girl, the times i had with chocolate family - being part of the chocolate family bring mush meaning to me. it has taught me to cherish the people right in front of you before they slip away. like what had happened after chocolate family 'disbanded'. we went back to each other's individual lives, like we never had been a family before.

although chocolate family had seperated, i really do miss the naiive us back then. when all was simple. when nobody had changed. we all know the reason why we seperated. a difficult choice to make. but when one leaves, others start leaving one by one. i am now looking at the cover of my diary, which talks about friendship.

"To have a friend is one of the sweetest gift that life can bring. Friends share your laughter with you, cry your sadness with you. A friend like everything about you, even the things you try not to show. A friend is one who knows all about you and wont go away. Faithful friends are beyond price and their goodness cannot be measured. Friendship the older it grows, the strogner it is."

after looking at that passage, i really have deep feeling for it. hw many people are the TRUE friends that you eally have? somebody who knows all about you yet wont go away? somebody who likes you for who you are? i've never felt so blessed like before. i really want to thank GOD for bringing yyann, KP and douglas into my life. for i'll always be able to share with them the ups and downs of my life.

i once felt that i was all alone. being someone who had the ability to understand many people but couldnt find one who could understand me. even though i had known yyann since i was in sec 1, but somehow, she never knew that there are things about me she never understood. maybe until now as i am typing this then she will know. its because she never felt the pain of not being in a complete family.

to the people reading this. which i all know who you all are, you guys probably never knew why i always appeared so cold to the strangers whom i first meet, why i always appeared to be fierce and so cool. to my poly friends, you guys never saw that side of me because i had changed when i entered poly. it is not possible to remain as i was in sec sch to poly.

i am cold to strangers, because i fear that they are not as nice as they appear. it is a wall i build against them, the stop and prevent them from harming me. i appear to be cool and fierce, so that people will not hurt me and get close to me. so that they will not know how easily i could crumble deep within. although i stopped that when i was in poly, nothing much changed. and i was right. there are so many people who PRETEND to be close to you, but they are not close to you at all. they PRETEND to know you, but they dont.

why i think both sides when people only look at a side of the problem? because i do not want to be deceived. a very good example would be when i was fired from fjord. there were so many different sayings from everybody. who was i to believe? i rather doubt everyone, and not listen then trust in what someone says. for all you know, they may be saying things to make themselves look like they are correct and in the right position. they do not want to be wrong.

haiis. i'm tired of these plastic people and double sided freaks. i really cannot stand them. let all these come to an end.

time for me to sleep. to douglas: did you remove your tagboard? why cant i see it?? my network got problem?

nites. :))

okay, i think if i dont update somemore i'll get nagged. hahas!

its november already. tomorrow marks the start of one week of school holidays. hopefully i'll be able to rest more during this week of holidays. today is science, and my team have alread found all the resources needed. so i can slack now.

will be working at centrepoint from tomorrow onwards.

oh ya. i just remembered an incident with yyann on tuesday. we went to jurong for work at IMM. then got this one guy approach us to buy the ice cream coupon which yyann seldom eats, and a brand that i never eaten before and have no interest in trying it. we turned him down and then he still wont give up. he say ask us a question and see if we can answer a not. if cannot then buy from him. he asked this question: "why do people say bread is very noisy?" yyann immediately answered after he finished his question saying "Breadtalk, and Kopitiam" showing a face of -.-"

walao. damn funny la. then after that he still dont want to let us go leh! i was like, i'm going to be late for work already lorh. then yyann came up with this riddle and say if he cannot answer then he has to let us go for work already. she was like damn pek cek already la. she asked "what tea cannot be drank?" he cannot answer. so yyann told him "policeman"(chinese is jin cha in which the "cha" shares the same pronounciation as tea in chinese) his face was like wtf?!?! LOLS!

ah. my mum dreamt again. but i forgot to ask her what was it.LOL. hahahahas.

later then blog. i'm tired. my eyelids are feeling heavy. my eyes are in pain. haiis.

Ng Suat Ting Elie | 黄雪婷
xueting | tiings
27.12.90
capricornian
current student of republic polytechnic
[diploma in outdoor and adventure learning]
DISCUs member [asc]
God's Child and proud to be
ex-WRPS student ; ex-CHRiian
CFA 17; TFC VII ; cheerios

☐ more tank tops
☐ more outdoor pants [good to be zip-off!]
☐ new camera
☐ new shoes
☐ new lappy [tablet please!]
☐ train my stamina in running
☐ get my driving license!
☐ even out my tan. (soon! yes!) (:(: